


You Suck, Jisung

by lovekyus



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, M/M, POV Alternating, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-05-13 04:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19243513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovekyus/pseuds/lovekyus
Summary: Jisung has a crush on the most popular girl in school. The most popular girl in school has a crush on Chenle. Chenle has a crush on Jisung.





	1. Question

“Jisung!”

Hearing the familiar voice, a panic spread throughout Jisung’s body. “I’m coming, I’m coming!” he screamed down the stairway as he hopped with one foot, trying to get his pants on. He hastily threw on his socks, picked up his backpack, and ran down the staircase.

Sprinting past the dining table, he grabbed a box of cereal from the cupboard and jet. His brother, who was sitting at the dining table, eating an actual meal, scolded, “Your alarm woke  _ me  _ up, how’d you sleep through it?”

Jisung didn’t answer, instead rushing to the front of the house and slipping on his shoes, where he pulled the door open, spotting Chenle on the other side. “Oh my god… You’re late again,” he droned as Jisung pulled the door open.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Jisung said, stepping out and closing the door behind him. He opened the box, reaching in and devouring his cereal by the handful.

Chenle rolled his eyes. “Frosted Flakes? Really?”

“I was in a rush…!” Jisung replied, mouth full.

Chenle laughed, muttering, “Why do I still walk to school with you, again?”

“Because you’re my best friend, and you’d feel bad leaving me behind.” Crumbs of Jisung’s Frosted Flakes were building up on his uniform as he talked with a full mouth.

Chenle swept the crumbs off. “ _ Best friend  _ ? I’m, like, your  _ only  _ friend!”

“Shut up," Jisung said, laughing. "I have other friends..."

“Who? Renjun? Jeno? People you use honorifics with don't count,” Chenle jeered.

Jisung chuckled, but then a silence quickly followed their conversation. Jisung sighed, staring at the cracked sidewalk underneath them, the browning leaves of the trees, the old houses in their neighborhood. It was a normal routine for them, by now. Even if Chenle always yelled at him for being late, there were practically never days where they chose not to walk together. It was just their  _ thing. _

Jisung snapped back to reality, facing Chenle once he'd realized how quiet the two had become. “Oh! You could never believe who got switched into my class!” Jisung exclaimed.

Chenle pulled on the straps of his backpack before saying, “Gee, I wonder who this person is, being important enough for you to bring her up mid-conversation. Is it Minju—”

“Minju! It’s a miracle!” Jisung burst out.

Kicking a pebble, Chenle asked, “What’s so special about her anyway? Why do you like her so much?”

“Haven’t you seen her dancing around the school corners? She’s so...! And the way she’s so nice to everyone around her, always volunteering to help out in the classroom? And she does community service outside of school too, I saw her post about being at the food drive…” Jisung gushed, his stomach spinning like an empty washing machine just thinking about her. “And she’s—”

“We get it, we get it! She’s Little Miss Perfect,” Chenle interrupted. “Geez, you’re obsessed.”

Jisung sighed. “She’s just… a great person! Is it wrong for me to want to be closer to her?”

“‘ _ Is it wrong for me to want to be closer to her  _ ?’ Well maybe if you talked to her, you would be,” Chenle interjected.

Jisung pouted. “But…”

"Dude. Just try talking to her. If you get the chance to start a conversation with her, don't skip out on it, alright?" Chenle advised.

Nodding, Jisung looked at the ground. "Well... of course I would."

"And I'll be your wingman if you ever need it!" Chenle slammed his hand against Jisung's back, making him choke on some frosted flakes.

"Yeah, yeah! I get it!" Jisung chuckled, coughing.

* * *

 

Jisung sat at the back corner of the room, next to the window. He loved it, always being able to stare at the clouds, or birds on the electricity wires, or squirrels in the trees, et cetera. But now that Minju was in his class, he stopped looking out and started taking a few peeks at her. He admired her. She was an amazing dancer, and she made it known that she wanted to open her dance studio one day (a tad bit like him). And he fell for how kind and down-to-earth she was. She was so humble, so selfless, so caring for the world around her. How could he  _ not  _ crush on her? It was an added plus that she was pretty, too.

The girl she sat next to, who he knew was close to Minju, tapped her shoulder and pointed at him. Jisung quickly averted his eyes, staring at the teacher, but taking a glance back at her. She chuckled, smiling at him. Jisung lowered his face behind his arms, feeling his ears heat up.

The bell rang, and people stood up from their seats, grabbing their bags to go to lunch. Jisung stood up, taking out the box of cereal from his backpack. He opened the door to the classroom, taking a look to his left and right.  _ Weird. Chenle’s not here.  _ Chenle was in the classroom next door, and he sat near the exit, so he was usually right outside when lunch started.

“Um, Jisung?”

Jisung turned around, expecting to see the girl who sat behind him, the one who always asked to copy his homework. To his surprise, the face behind him was the one and only Minju herself. She looked up at him with wide doe eyes, and he already felt butterflies popping up in his stomach. “Yeah?” he answered, voice slightly cracking.

She smiled, her lip gloss sparkling in the light shining through the windows. “You’re best friends with Chenle, right?”

“Yeah, yeah we are. I mean, yeah. I am. I’m friends with him. Chenle,” Jisung said, voice wavering a little.  _ Calm down!  _ he told himself.

“Do you know if Chenle-oppa’s single?” she asked.

_ Oh.  _ Jisung forced on a smile, replying, “Yeah, Chenle’s single.” He watched as her eyes lit up, and her smile relaxed, as if she no longer had to wear it like a mask. “Why do you ask?” He was barely looking at her now, eyes flickering between her face and the ground, his heels rocking back and forth, eager to run away from her.

“I’m just curious, thanks!” she said, shoving herself past him and through the door, giggling to herself.

Jisung felt a sharp pain in his chest. Probably all those butterflies in his stomach dying.  _ Wow  _ . First time his crush talked to him, and it was because she was  interested in his friend. He felt like everything he dreamed about this girl was put into a shredding machine.

“Jisungie!”

He turned to face the direction of the call, seeing Chenle’s familiar face. “Sorry, I was talking to my teacher. Wanna go eat lunch on the roof?”

_ Shit. _

What was Jisung supposed to say to him? _Ah! Chenle! Don’t worry about it! I was just talking to Minju, you know, the girl of my dreams? We were actually talking about you, and how she likes you_ _instead of me!_

“Ah,” Jisung replied, looking at his cereal. “Nah, actually, I was thinking of hanging out with the hyungs.”

Chenle’s smile faltered a little, but he immediately covered it up. “Oh, okay. I... I needed to study today, actually, now that I think about it." He paused for a second, chewing on his bottom lip. "We’re still walking home together, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course,” Jisung said, feeling like the words he said were being put through a machine.

Chenle nodded. “Aight! See ya!”

Time felt like it was slowing down as Jisung and Chenle parted ways.  _ This isn’t going to be a big thing, right?  _ Jisung thought. After all, Chenle had nothing to do with it.

Trying to convince himself it wasn’t Chenle’s fault didn’t make the wound hurt any less, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! thank you for reading my fic!! it's still in alpha right now, so feedback is very much appreciated! <3


	2. Avoidance

Walking from the school, Chenle slowed down a little, noticing Jisung was starting to trail behind him. The chatters of hundreds of other students filled the air, Chenle focusing on that instead of the conversations he and Jisung could’ve been having. “So what’d you talk to the others about?”

“Just… things,” Jisung replied. His head hung low, the sidewalk being the most interesting thing to him at the moment.

“Things…?” Chenle followed up. “Like…?”

Jisung shook his head. “Nothing important.”

He wasn’t really one to start conversations (Chenle was the chatterbox of the duo, really), but Jisung wasn't  _ this  _ quiet. Something was wrong.

“You guys  _ must  _ have talked about something interesting,” Chenle prodded, attempting to grin. “Did you find anything new about them? Get any good secrets?”

“Nope,” Jisung said, not looking Chenle in the eye.

There was a short pause. “Oh.” Chenle hoped Jisung didn't notice his surprise, but it probably didn't matter. He stopped walking again, noticing that Jisung had started to trail behind him once more. “Did anything exciting in class happen? You know, with Minju, and—”

“Nope.” Jisung quickly shut down that sentence. “Nothing different. Same old day.”

Chenle’s eyes furrowed as he looked behind himself.  _ What’s up with him?  _ “Are you mad at me?” Chenle wondered.

“No, why do you ask?” Jisung said, a little too quickly after Chenle’s question. His words, although a denial of Chenle’s accusation, sounded strained—forced, even.

An air of silence danced around them, Chenle unsure whether or not to shatter it, or when to. After a minute or so, he continued, “You sure?”  _ Was it something I said? _

Jisung didn’t respond.

Neither of them said a word for the rest of the trip home.

* * *

Chenle’s arrival at his house wasn’t any less out-of-place.  _ It’s just one day, maybe he just didn’t want to hang out today. We hang out everyday anyway, it’s fine, right? _

Needless to say, Chenle was bothered.  _ This is so stupid,  _ he thought to himself.

Yet… whatever happened to Jisung today seemed to bother him a whole lot. It couldn’t have been that bad; they walked to school together, after all, and they’d have to be back to normal at some point, right?

He pulled his notebook out of his backpack, turning to page 293. He looked at the page of words, trying, begging for any of the sentences to stick. Despite his  efforts, all the page looked like were random displays of characters to him. He sighed, dropping his head on the table.

He opened his phone, checking the text messages. A few from some other classmates, but none from Jisung. He opened his messages, deciding to send something to him.

_ Hey,  _ he typed.  _ You were acting weird today. Is something wrong? _

He pressed the send button, looking back at the textbook before his phone buzzed back.  _ No, what do you mean? _

Chenle's finger swiped across his screen, opening the conversation back up and typing out a response.  _ We barely talked walking home, and you didn’t want us to eat lunch together. _

Chenle read those words over and over and over again.  _ Do I sound too desperate?  _ He shook his head, immediately deleting all the words.

He typed in a new message, shooting it off to Jisung instead.  _ Nevermind. See you tomorrow. Hopefully Minju asks you out ;) _

Chenle watched as words popped up under his message.  _ Read 7:39 PM.  _ He turned his phone off, looking back at the textbook, still unable to make anything out.

Three knocks sounded on his bedroom door. “Chenle? Can I come in?”

“Yes, Mom,” he replied, looking up from the textbook.

His mom walked in, holding one of his notebooks. “You left this downstairs on the dining table. Did you need it?”

“Oh,” Chenle replied, pointing to a spot on his shelf near the door. “Just leave it there. Thank you.”

His mom walked up to his desk, staring at a small bulletin board above it. “It’s nice to see you’ve finally adjusted. I know it was hard starting all over like this.”

He nodded, looking back at the textbook. “Yeah.”

“Who’s the kid you’re always with?" she pondered, pointing to a photo booth strips tacked onto the bulletin board.  _ Jisung.  _ "I see you with him more than anyone else."

“Oh, his name’s Jisung. He lives down the street, so we walk to school together,” he said, a feeling of dread hanging over him.

He stared at the photo. They took it at an arcade a few weeks after they first met, when they instantly  _ clicked.  _ He didn’t know how or why, but he just felt a special connection to Jisung. A feeling that, no matter what, they’d get along. Them being friends just felt… right. After Chenle moved from Shanghai, after he just lost everyone he’d ever knew, for him to meet someone who just got along with him so well so quickly, it was a miracle. A friend you could trust and rely on and could trust and rely on you, someone who'd always be with you, someone who you'd never not want to be around... someone who didn't exactly complete you, but made you the best version of yourself. What were the odds you'd ever find someone like that?

“He looks like a really nice boy. I hope I can talk to him soon.” She smiled, her eyes smiling with her. Chenle smiled as well, nodding.

She left him to himself and Chenle took another glance at the bulletin board. He smiled, examining the small fragments of his memories on display. Other than photos taken before he moved to Korea, there were no photos of just Chenle. Chenle was always accompanied with Jisung in these photos. A picture of Chenle eating ice cream in the hot summer? Jisung was next to him, licking a popsicle. Chenle in front of a rollercoaster? Behind him was Jisung, holding a stuffed animal he won while Chenle was in line. There were even photos Chenle had taken, while they were out, without him even in it. With just Jisung.

Even in groups, they were next to each other. It felt like Chenle and Jisung were inseparable in how they always had their arms around each other’s shoulders in every single photo.

* * *

The next day, Chenle showed up to Jisung’s house, pressing the doorbell a few times again, just in case Jisung wasn’t even awake yet.

“Jisung! We’re going to—”

He was cut off when the door opened, and Chenle was met with the face of Jisung’s older brother. It was… a little off-putting, to say the least. Chenle hadn’t introduced himself to him, and neither had he. They’d only spoken once, when  Chenle came and the older Park had to notify him that Jisung had a fever, and he had to walk alone.

“Oh, it’s you,” he said, looking around, like he didn’t know what to say. “Did Jisung not tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Chenle asked.

He bit his lip. “Jisung already left. Sorry.”

Chenle’s face fell. “Oh… he…”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” his brother replied.

Chenle nodded, bowing. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for being here for my brother everyday,” he replied, closing the door once Chenle turned around to leave.

 


	3. Reunion

_Beep! Beep! Bee_ —

Jisung crushed the alarm clock with his fist, wincing when he heard something in it snap. Groggily getting up from bed, he rubbed his eyes, sitting up and throwing his covers off of him. His hair stuck up in a hundred different directions from all the tossing and turning he had the night before. He squinted as he stared out his window, the bright sun peeking through the few blinds covering it.

He got up, washing his face at an agonizingly sluggish pace. He lost track of time brushing his teeth, finally deciding to stop when he noticed the bubbles from his toothpaste were running down his chin.

He got into his uniform and walked down the stairs to the dining table, where his brother was sitting, sipping some coffee. Without a word, Jisung walked over to the kitchen, taking two slices of bread and shoving them in the toaster.

_What am I supposed to do?_

There was nothing else he could think about. His head felt like a vase, filled to the brim with thoughts. What was he supposed to say to Chenle? Did he still like Minju? _Could_ he still like Minju? _How was he supposed to feel?_

He didn’t know.

The toast jumped back out of the machine while Jisung was drowning in his questions. He grabbed it and smeared some jam on it before shoving it in his mouth and walking to the door.

“You’re leaving early.” Jisung looked over his shoulder at his brother, who had an eyebrow raised, as he slipped on his shoes. He continued, “You’re not waiting for that other kid?”

Jisung just shrugged, opening the door and exiting. He looked both ways, making sure Chenle wasn’t walking up to him yet. Where they usually turned right, he kept going straight ahead, making sure that, if Chenle _was_ closeby, they wouldn’t run into each other. Just in case.

He stared at his feet. _What was he doing?_

Jisung was being a coward.

He opened his phone, trying to check the time, when he froze in his tracks. His phone wallpaper was a picture of himself with a party hat in front of a cake, the rest of his friends sitting at a table with him. It was taken at his birthday party, a few days before his actual birthday, since Chenle was going to Shanghai the day in question. He remembered the happiness on Chenle’s face when he blew out the candles, the message Chenle had written in icing on his cake, and the embarrassment when Chenle asked the waiters to sing the birthday song with them.

He frowned, quickly changing his wallpaper to one of the default ones on his phone. Sighing, he looked up at the leaves from the trees slowly dwindling to the ground.

* * *

It was the third day Jisung walked to school by himself. He didn’t bother trying to talk to Chenle after the first time it happened. He tried to avoid him as much as possible, to be frank. He didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to explain the actions he’d already taken.

The damage was done.

Jisung left the classroom as soon as the lunch bell rang. He didn’t bother checking if Chenle was waiting outside. He headed straight to Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun’s classroom, where all his hyungs (the aforementioned three plus Mark and Donghyuck) usually hung out. He and Chenle often stuck around their group, too, before they started to eat lunch with just the two of them.

“Hey, Jisung!” he heard someone call. He looked at Jaemin and gave him a crooked grin. “You’re here again?”

Donghyuck added, “Yeah, is Chenle gonna come hang out with us soon, too?”

Jisung chuckled, walking over to their desks, before the door slid open on the other side of the classroom.

_Oh no._

“Hey guys, have you seen—”

Chenle’s voice faded away, the smile on his face going as well. He quickly put it back on, but it was noticeably forced. “Oh, hey Jisung! I was looking for you. Do you want to hang out with them? I’ll just join—”

“I came to look for something I lost yesterday,” Jisung fibbed, walking around the classroom and staring at the floor, “and I was planning on studying in the library today.”

Chenle’s smile became weak, with him not even trying to cover his emotions anymore. A pang of guilt stabbed Jisung in the chest, but he grit his teeth, hoping the truth wouldn't find its way out of Jisung's lips. 

“Oh, okay!” Chenle replied, enthusiasm in his voice too strong. He asked the others, “Do you mind if I hang out with you guys today?”

Jisung exited the classroom, closing the door behind him. He stood there, for a few seconds, before walking slowly to the bathroom.

When he reached it, he analyzed every square inch, making sure no one else was there. He locked himself in a stall, putting his face in his hands, eyes stinging. He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, hoping he could stop the tears from escaping. But they didn't help, and his tears spilled on the floor. His soft whines echoed throughout the room. He didn't care if people could hear him outside. He didn’t care if people could recognize his voice.

 _What am I doing?_ he asked himself. _Why does this hurt so much?_

A pain persisted in his chest, aching, although he didn’t understand why. 

He sobbed.

* * *

Jisung stepped down the steps of the school, staring at the pavement. He glanced at the street he walked down with Chenle everyday, shaking his head and going down the same way he did this morning.

A few minutes after walking down the quiet path, he heard someone call behind him. “Jisung!” 

He quickly turned around, looking at the person behind him. Jaemin was waving, running up to him with a grin, his teeth so white, they were blinding him. Jisung smiled, his smile gentle and relaxed instead of the usual ear to ear. “Hi.”

Jaemin started walking evenly with him, and said, “Do you usually walk this way?” Jisung shook his head, and Jaemin continued, “Ah. No wonder I never see you around here.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve hung out one-on-one like this,” Jisung added.

Jaemin nodded. “Yeah. You’re usually always with Chenle.”

Jisung flinched a little at the mention of his name, hoping Jaemin didn’t notice. He didn’t reply, instead observing the unfamiliar houses and the difference in design between these ones and the ones on his own street.

“Jisung?” Jaemin said, causing Jisung to make eye contact with him. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head, clutching the straps of his backpack. He remained silent, hoping Jaemin wouldn’t ask for more information. Unsurprisingly, though…

“You’re lying,” Jaemin replied. “What’s up? What’s been going on?”

Jisung clenched his fists, his fingernails digging into his palms. He refused to respond, closing eyes for a few seconds.

“Did something happen between you and Chenle?”

Jisung quickly denied it, saying, “No. Nothing between us.”

He glanced at Jaemin’s face. _Crap, I responded too fast…_  

“So what's been going on?” Jaemin asked. “You’re always together. Did you get in a fight?”

 _He’s onto me._ “You say that like we’re dating,” Jisung chortled, quickly avoiding the question.

Jaemin said, “But aren’t you guys best friends? What’s been going on?”

“Nothing, hyung,” Jisung answered, trying not to let any emotion bleed into his words.

“I’m serious. You’ve been avoiding him, haven’t you? Why?” The smiley Jaemin from a few seconds ago completely slipping away, Jaemin's face completely serious now.

Jisung looked down at the ground, avoiding Jaemin’s hard gaze. He waited a few seconds, trying to figure out his thoughts, debating what to do. He took in a deep breath, then replied. “You know that Minju girl?”

“ _Who_?” Jaemin said back.

Shaking his head, Jisung lengthened his stride, quickening his steps. Jaemin walked faster in return, chuckling, “I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Lee Minju, right?”

Jisung sucked in breath from gritted teeth. “Yeah, her.”

“What about her?” Jaemin tilted his head.

“She’s… been my crush all year,” Jisung admitted, scratching the back of his head.

Jaemin squinted, titling his head even further. “I thought we were talking about Chenle.”

“Well yeah…!” Jisung breathed out, trying not to laugh. “Well… she asked me if Chenle had a girlfriend on Monday.”

“...And?” Jaemin asked, still confused.

Jisung’s eyebrows mushed together, not knowing what else he had to explain to Jaemin. “That means she likes Chenle. The girl I like—”

“Well I know that,” Jaemin cut off. “But that’s not Chenle’s fault, right?”

Jisung clarified, “Yeah, I know it’s not, but—”

“So why are you distancing yourself from him for something he has nothing to do with?” Jaemin asked.

Jaemin suddenly stopped, with Jisung stopping a few steps in front of him. “Sorry, this is my house. See you tomorrow, dude.”

“Oh.” Jisung forgot that they were walking home. He was supposed to turn left a few streets ago. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Jaemin fiddled with his keys, opening the front door, but before he walked in, he looked back at Jisung. “You don’t have to tell Chenle what’s wrong. I just think you shouldn’t be avoiding him, man. Apologize for that, too. You’re best friends, after all.”

Jisung faced him, but he was already going inside. “Yeah. Right,” he replied.

* * *

_What was he doing?_

Chenle always stopped by his house since it was on the way to school. Jisung woke up extra early, walked away from school , and was now waiting on the sidewalk in front of Chenle’s house.

The door creaked open, and Jisung looked up from his phone. He swiftly shut it off, shoving it into his pocket. 

“Bye mom! Love you!” Chenle screamed into the house before closing it.

It took Chenle a few seconds to register what he was seeing. When Jisung locked eyes with him, Chenle froze, the wind slightly breezing through his damaged hair. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. 

Jisung broke the silence, saying, “Hey. Sorry I haven’t been hanging with you past couple of days. I’ve been trying to study, and I didn’t want to get distracted by being tempted to ditch and hang with you.”

A complete lie fell out of Jisung’s lips, one that he carefully constructed while trying to sleep the night before. He stared at Chenle, hoping that would be enough to convince him.

Thankfully, a wide, open smile painted itself on Chenle’s lips. “Oh thank god, I thought you hated me, or something.”

Jisung laughed loudly, a little too loudly, walking along the sidewalk to face the school. “Sorry about that. I didn’t wanna tell you in case it would distract me even more.”

Another, even worse, lie. Chenle smiled, his laugh more like intense breathing out of his nose, and they walked together towards the school. An air of awkwardness still surrounded them, but Jisung didn’t mind it. _At least we’re back to normal now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy taeyong day. it was hard for me to translate having mixed emotions and not knowing what exactly you're feeling (+ doing reckless things because of it) but i hope my writing suffices. feedback is very much welcome and appreciated.


	4. Excuses

_“What’s the real reason you stopped hanging out with me?”_

At least, that’s what Chenle wanted to say. Jisung was trying to get away from him, he was sure of it. Or not. Maybe he was overthinking things. Even if he was overthinking things, though, he couldn’t dismiss the possibility of something other than studies being the cause of Jisung’s weird behavior. Hell, Jisung showed up at _his_ house. He felt awkward with the person who knew him most. Things weren’t the same.

But he couldn’t risk asking Jisung about it. Of course not. He didn’t want it to start all over again in case there _was_ an outside force in this. But he just had to suck it up and deal with it for now. After all, this was Jisung. No one was as close with him as he was, right?

The bell snapped Chenle out of his thoughts. He jumped up from his seat, heading out towards Jisung’s classroom. He pulled the door of the nearby room open, but a girl was in his way.

Shorter than him, with bangs just above her eyebrows and hair that reached her shoulders, plus shimmery lip gloss that seemed to shine no matter how much light was around. It was Minju; Chenle could tell from all the pictures Jisung showed him of her.

“Oh!” Minju said, giving him a small bow. “I’ve been looking for you!”

Chenle forced a smile onto his face. “Hi! I don’t think we’ve met—”

“Chenle, right?” she asked. “I’m Minju. I’m in Class 3.”

Nodding, Chenle stepped around her, attempting to get into the hall. He opened his mouth, wanting to call, “Jisung!” but he was stopped when Minju positioned herself in front of him once more.

“I wanted to ask if you could tutor me,” Minju said, looking up, beaming at Chenle. “You see, I’ve been falling behind with my studies lately. You had one of the top scores for the entrance exams—I found out since my friend helps out in the school office—so I was wondering if you could help me out.”

_Oh no._

“You know, I actually happen to be a pretty busy guy, and—” Chenle replied, desperate to get out of the conversation. He started stepping backwards, away from her, in an attempt to rid himself from the situation.

Minju, however, met his steps by stepping towards him. “I’m begging you, if I don’t raise my grades soon, my parents will get really mad at me! I can pay you, too!”

_Oh. No._

A siren was practically going off in Chenle’s head. _What was he going to do..?_ He examined his options.

Pros to tutoring Minju: 1. He’d get to review things he learned last year by teaching them to her. 2. He’d be able to get to know her more (perhaps being more skilled in being a wingman for Jisung). 3. By tutoring Minju, Minju would have a positive opinion of him. Minju’s a pretty popular girl, so that’s infinitely better than her having a negative opinion of him, which would cause Chenle’s own reputation to tank. 4. (the most important part) She was paying him to do this.

Cons to tutoring Minju: 1. Chenle would have to get rid of his sweet, sweet after school time alone (which he could use to spend time with his friends, play games, etc). 2. Jisung could also get jealous, which would cause his plan to backfire.

“Please?” Minju asked, one last time. She pouted her lip, and Chenle swore he could smell the strawberry scent from her gloss.

He sighed. The pros outweigh the cons, after all. “Yeah. Okay. Sure.”

Minju squealed. “Thank you, oppa!” Her eyes brightened, sparkling in the hallway lights. “Can we do today? After school?”

Plastering on a fake smile, Chenle answered, “Fine with me.”

She beamed from ear to ear, giggling. She hurriedly ran past Chenle and into the hallway.

“Hey. What was that about?” 

Chenle quickly turned around, recognizing the voice. “Hey! I was looking for you!” He began playing with his hands. “She was just asking me about something. No big deal.”

“What?” Jisung asked, a slight strain in his voice, tainted by emotion. Chenle couldn’t figure out what emotion that was, though.

Chenle gave him an askew grin. “Nevermind. You wanna see what they’re serving in the cafeteria right now?”

Jisung chewed on the inside of his cheek, but replied, “Yeah, sure.”

“Oh, and I gotta work on some stuff after school, so I can’t walk home with you. That fine?” Chenle informed him.

Jisung paused for a second, staring at Chenle’s features. “Yeah. That’s fine.” 

Chenle gave him a nod as they walked side by side down the hallway. He carefully looked at Jisung’s expression. His eyebrows slightly pressed together, eyes staring at the floor, lip being chewed on.

_Was it really fine, though?_

* * *

“Oh! I understand now!” Minju exclaimed.

Chenle nodded. _Finally…_ He glanced at the clock lying on the library wall. “Hey, do you wanna stop here for today?”

Dropping her pencil, Minju quickly turned around. “Oh my—I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize we've been here for so long!”

“It’s fine,” Chenle replied, his voice droning on. 

“Can we do this again next week, too?” She quickly packed up her things, slipping her pencil and eraser into a small case, closing her notebooks and shoving them in her backpack. 

“Okay.” Chenle didn’t think about it, immediately wanting to take back the words that flew out of his mouth.

Minju smiled, showing her pearlescent, straight teeth. They walked out of the school together, Minju staying close to Chenle, her side rubbing on his arm every so often.

“Hey, oppa?” Chenle looked at her face. “Thank you so much for doing this for me.” 

Chenle shook his hand. “It’s really no problem.” _I'm getting paid, right?_

“I mean it. It’s so late, and you still stayed just for me, someone you barely know…” Minju stared at her hands, then looking up to meet his face. “I actually… since I was thinking about how I’d be able to repay you for doing this for me…” 

She reached inside her bag, pulling out a box of almond Pepero, complete with a little pink ribbon tied on it. “Thank you so, so much! I’ll give you some next week too!”

Chenle shook his hands (plural this time), denying her gift. “No, no! It’s okay, really…!”

“No, take it,” Minju replied, chuckling. She gingerly took one of his hands, laying the gift in it, cupping her own hands around it and smiling. Afterwards, she turned around, walking to the nearby bus stop.

Chenle shook his head, shoving the box into his pocket. He was allergic to almonds. He looked at the street towards his house, catching someone standing there, staring right at him. They began to walk towards a separate road, head turned down.

_Jisung._

He identified his features, but the expression on his face was blank. He stepped out. He called out, “H—”

He stopped himself. His hand that was outstretched towards his friend faltered, slowly drifting down.

* * *

Walking up to Jisung’s house, Chenle stepped onto his driveway by instinct, not realizing Jisung was already standing in his doorway, waiting for him.

“Oh, sorry. Am I late today?” Chenle asked, scratching his face.

Jisung shook his head. “Nah. I just happened to get up early for once.”

Chenle chuckled. “Yeah. _For once._ ”

“So what were you doing yesterday?” Jisung asked, pushing the topic aside. His tone was stern, unshaken by Chenle’s joke.

A little taken back, Chenle stayed silent for a second, pressing his lips together. “Nothing much, really.”

“You sure?” Jisung’s voice wavered, and he looked straight ahead. He didn’t say anything for a few beats, chewing on his lips. “I saw you and Minju, you know.”

“I’m allergic to almonds,” Chenle said, a little too quick. “I mean—she gave me almond Pepero.”

Jisung finally stared him in the eye, squinting. “What were you doing?”

Chenle’s hands found each other, twisting and squeezing and scratching and doing anything to distract himself from this conversation. “She asked me to tutor her after school. That’s it. Nothing more. She gave me that as a gift.”

There was a long pause. “Okay,” Jisung finally said, but his head was facing the ground. Something told Chenle that this wasn’t going to be the end of this topic.

"This doesn't change anything between us, alright?" Chenle reassured him. There wasn't a response. “Do you want to go hang out with the group tomorrow?” he offered. It was a temporary solution, he knew, but it was a good way to ease the tension.

Jisung shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”

They continued walking in silence, Chenle unsure of what to say next.

“It’s just that…”

Chenle looked at Jisung’s eyes, which were lingering on the sidewalk, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t know how to feel about Donghyuck.”

“What about him?” 

“Well…” Jisung’s eyes wandered, like he needed to pick his words out of the air. “He told us he had a crush on Mark.”

Chenle furrowed his eyebrows. “And…?”

“And it’s weird.” Jisung shook his head, staring at the ground once again.

Chenle cocked his head. “What do you mean it’s _weird_?” 

Jisung squeezed his eyes shut, head down. “I just mean…! It… I don’t know. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“What about it?” Chenle asked.

“What about what?”

“What about Donghyuck makes you uncomfortable?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jisung’s voice was quiet, hushed. 

Chenle, however, couldn’t conceal his own voice’s volume. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jisung didn’t respond. 

“What are you trying to say?”

Jisung wouldn’t look him in the eye. “You know what I mean.”

“No. I don’t.” Chenle grabbed his friend’s shoulder, forcing him to look at him. 

They both stopped walking. Jisung made eye contact with him for a second, before looking back at the ground. “I’ve known him for so long. It’s… weird.”

“What's _weird_?" Chenle asked, his voice increasing in volume.

“Why are you so defensive about it, huh?!” Jisung raised his voice for the first time in their conversation.

Shaking his head, Chenle started walking again, leaving Jisung behind. “It doesn’t matter who he likes, he’s still our friend.” 

Jisung didn’t catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't actually know whether or not chenle's allergic to almonds lol ...


	5. Jealousy

Jisung’s brain felt like jelly.

He stumbled down the steps of the school, sighing. He was trying to study for his history test, but none of the information in his notes stuck. He rubbed his temples, making his way towards his home. 

“Thank you so, so much!” 

He looked behind him. That charming, melodic voice echoed throughout the block. But once he could make the scene out, he wished he didn't turn around at all.

A present, complete in a neat little bow, was being held out in Minju's soft, delicate hands. And she was in front of Chenle.

Chenle shook his head, but a small smile graced his cheeks. _He sees me, doesn’t he_ ? Jisung thought. Minju took his hands, _holding them,_ and placed her gift in them. Chenle shook his head. _Is she giving him a gift? Does she like him this much? Is their relationship progressing this far?_

Jealousy coursed through his veins. He didn’t know what was going on. It already stung that Minju liked Chenle, but the thought that a relationship was blooming between them… hurt.

A little voice in his head told him he was overreacting. Told him he was just shocked. Told him he was overthinking it.

Chenle looked at him straight in the eye, for maybe a minute or two.

Fists clenched, jaw tight, Jisung turned. He headed towards Jaemin’s street, staring at his feet.

* * *

Jisung stared at the clouds in the sky, the lecture passing through one ear and out the other. He took a look at Minju, then he sighed.

He didn’t like not being able to fill in all the gaps. Guilt swam in his stomach for trying to force something out of Chenle, and even when he confronted him, he knew it was none of his business. Jisung wasn’t satisfied with the answer he was given from Chenle, though. 

_Rrrring!_

Jisung sighed. He stood up, heading towards the classroom Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun were in. 

He opened the sliding door, smiling at the greetings from his friends. Their meaningless chatter flew around the classroom, bouncing off the walls, but going everywhere but Jisung’s ears.

He couldn’t focus on anything right now, really. All he was thinking about was what happened the day before.

The door slid open once more, Chenle on the other side.

“Hey guys!” he chimed. He walked in, holding a juice box.

The conversations paused around him to welcome Chenle, then resumed. Chenle sat on a chair next to Jisung, scooting towards him, closing the gap between them.

Chenle engaged in their banter, smiling along with them. He glanced at Jisung for a second, and Jisung immediately smiled reassuringly.

The door slid open once more. 

Jisung didn’t feel like turning around, but something felt… odd. _No one hangs out here during lunch besides us,_ he thought. _Donghyuck, Renjun, Jaemin, Jeno, Chenle… we’re all here…_

“Oppa!”

His head whipped around when he heard that voice.

Her cherry red lip gloss shimmered under the bright LEDs of the classroom, curls bouncing as she walked over to their group. _Of course,_ Jisung thought, leaning back into his chair. It was Minju.

She went to Chenle, placing her hand on his shoulder. She leaned down, whispering in his ear. He gritted his teeth, inhaling. “Right now…?”

Minju pouted, and Chenle sighed, getting up. “Okay. Sure.”

“Thank you, oppa!” she grinned ear to ear, hugging him.

Chenle’s eyes widened. “Hey! Uh…” He gently pulled her arms off of himself, his own grin askew. “You owe me one, okay?”

They walked into the hallway, closing the door behind them.

Jisung faced the floor, his mind running a thousand miles an hour. His hands turned into fists, so tight that his knuckles turned white. 

After a few seconds, his foot tapping on the ground, Jisung got up, startling his other friends. He slammed his chair into the desk, a loud clack sounding.

“Jisung?” 

He’d turned around, ignoring Jeno’s voice.

“Hey. Jisung!” 

Jisung walked out of the classroom, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

“Can we talk?”

Jisung’s shoulders relaxed as he swallowed, staring at Chenle. _I just want to know what’s going on with you. With her,_ he thought.

Chenle shook his head. “Yeah, sure. I just can’t walk home with you today… I gotta tutor Minju.”

“Oh. I…” Jisung bit his tongue. “I’m sorry. It’s… It’s nothing.”

He turned around, about to walk away, but Chenle grabbed his hand. “Hey, I can still talk. Just don’t eat up my afternoon, okay?” Chenle said, smiling at him.

His smile was warm, crinkled ever so slightly at the corners, making his eyes mirror his feelings. It wasn’t the huge, over the top one that consumed his features whenever he laughed. It was the one he’d seen when they were having sleepovers or getting snacks after class. 

The one Jisung missed for so long and ignored for stupid reasons.

“Yeah…” Jisung replied, forcing a grin. “I…” As soon as he began his sentence, the words kept flowing out, and he couldn’t pause, even just for a second, to think about what he was saying. “I’m sorry, but I seriously just can’t believe that she’s just… someone you’re tutoring. A gift, spending extra time with you, that kinda stuff. I just. I get so jealous, man. Do you get what I mean? I just feel like you’re dating, or something.

“And it hurts. It hurts seeing you spend so much time with her. I’m in the same class as her, and she’s never even really had a conversation with me, and now she’s talking to you. And I’ve liked her for so long and…” 

Jisung didn’t realize he’d been rambling, his chin now pressed against his chest. He looked up, Chenle’s eyes round. A girl popped up from behind Chenle, her brows knitted. “Chenle?” Jisung focused on her, his face dropping once again. Minju.

Chenle whipped around. “Hey! Uh… Sorry, I’m just talking to someone—”

“I’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes, already,” Minju said, pouting.

Chenle sighed. “Uh… just—” his hands whipped around, making several gestures, “—text me tonight, okay? I’m… sorry.”

Jisung’s neck pushed forward, and his eyebrows furrowed. “You’re sorry?”

“I’m sorry,” Chenle repeated. “Actually, just call me tonight. Okay?”

He rushed into the classroom, something getting stuck on a classroom door as he turned around. It snapped off his backpack, falling to the ground.

“Hey…!” Jisung exclaimed, picking it up. He handed it to Chenle, fist tightening as he examined it.

* * *

Jisung looked out his bedroom window, staring at the stars. The gentle rings of his phone tickled his ear, waiting for Chenle to pick up.

“Hello?”

Jisung perked up, standing a little straighter. “Hey…! So… uh… what happened this afternoon—”

“I’m sorry.”

There was a pause between them before Jisung spoke up. “Why are you s—”

“I didn’t think about your feelings,” Chenle immediately spoke, his words slightly overlapping Jisung’s. “I… I know you like her. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I wasn’t thinking. I… I really am sorry.”

“You guys aren’t… dating, right?”

“What?” Chenle asked. “No, we’re not dating. Of course we’re not dating! She’s been trying to hang out with me more, though, so I get where you’re coming from.”

 _She’s been trying to hang out with you more_?

“Are you sure you’re not dating?”

“What, _are you sure we’re not dating,_ no, I’m only kinda sure we aren’t—of course we aren’t, dummy!”

 _She really_ does _like him like that…_

A forced laugh flooded out of Jisung’s mouth. “Oh, sorry, my brother’s calling me down for dinner, I’m sorry, gotta go, bye!” He rushed.

“Hey, Jis—”

_Beep, beep, beep._

Jisung plopped his phone down on his desk, sighing. After that comment, what was he supposed to feel?

When he went to bed, he covered his face with the blanket, hoping he could hide from all his feelings, from all the people around him. Hoping.


	6. Realization

Another school day, and Chenle was there, waiting at Jisung’s door once again. He tapped the wood, yelling, “Jisung! We’re gonna be late! Hurry up!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” he heard back from the other side.

The door opened, revealing Jisung without his blazer or tie.

Chenle stared at him in disbelief. “You’re not even dressed!”

“I can just put it on while we’re walking there,” Jisung said, slipping arms through the sleeves of his blazer. “See?”

Chenle shook his head, chuckling. 

There was a period of silence where it was just them walking together, Jisung fiddling with his tie.

“So, how’s everything going with Minju?” Jisung asked.

Chenle said, “Dude, I’m literally just teaching her math.”

There was a pause, and Chenle took a second to examine his features. His eyes were narrowed, and he was chewing on his lip. “Well, if she’s spending extra time with you at lunch and doing more tutoring sessions with you, I think otherwise,” Jisung said, bitterness seeping into his tone. “Plus, a gift for tutoring her? Really?”

“I already told you, it’s just tutoring,” Chenle responded. A deep exhale left his mouth. “You know, is this—is this why you were so late? You were thinking about what I was doing?”

“Well I like her, okay? Is it my fault for wanting to know what’s happening? I’m just suspicious—” 

“And I already told you what’s going on…!”

“I just—”

“What?!” Chenle replied, almost screaming. He breathed in, sighing loudly. Jisung’s tie still was just sitting on his shoulders, not properly done. His shoulders rose, then relaxed. “I already told you! Why can’t you just listen to me?!”

Chenle looked at Jisung’s wide eyes, his hands frozen around his tie in shock. Chenle played with his hands, shaking his head. He didn’t mean to shout at him. He didn’t mean to scare Jisung.

“I… I’m sor—”

Jisung shook his head, looking at the sidewalk. “No. It’s fine.” He picked up his pace, speed walking towards the school.

“Jisung—”

What just happened? Chenle couldn’t believe what just happened. The scene played too fast for him. Just a second ago, Chenle was playfully scolding him, but now… Jisung was running, trying to get away from him, not saying another word.

“Jisung!” 

Chenle grabbed his shoulder, making him stop. “What?!” Jisung yelled.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Chenle murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Jisung was silent, staring at him for a few seconds, breathing heavy. They both stood there, planted to the ground, facing each other. “I’m… I’m sorry, too.”

“I didn’t realize how I was making you feel,” Chenle explained. “I didn’t realize… what I was doing was making you angry.”

They paused as the wind blew throughout the neighborhood. A silence surrounded them, waiting to be broken.

“She asked me if you were single… before you were tutoring her,” Jisung admitted. “That’s… that’s why… I thought she had a crush on you. I thought...”

Chenle shrugged. “It was pretty obvious she had a crush on me. I… I understand. I just wanted to be your wingman, you know?”

Jisung nodded, then sighed. “Things have been so different the past couple of days."

Chenle smiled. “I know they have.”

A laugh bubbled out of Jisung, and he looked at the ground. “I don’t want to be fighting with you anymore.”

“I don’t either,” Chenle replied, giggling. Turning towards the other, he grabbed the tie from Jisung’s hands, doing it for him. “Wow, you _suck,_ Jisung.”

Jisung smiled, his eyes tight and his mouth a perfect V. His hair, damaged from all the crazy colors their group had dyed it, flowed stiffly in the wind, like straw. Chenle couldn't help but think about the feeling of when he ran his hands through it, playing with the bunches of strands. Once Chenle finished fixing his tie, they began walking again, shoulders touching every so often. Chenle stared at his friend, examining his details: his high cheekbones, the sharpness of his jaw, the smell of his newly laundered clothes, the way his gums would show whenever he smiled, his infectious laugh, his thin nose, the growing difference between him in height...

And then it hit him.

It hit him so hard he could barely think straight.

Jisung looked back at him, looking into Chenle’s eyes. “What?”

Chenle was knocked out of his thoughts, repeating, “What?”

“I asked you first,” Jisung replied.

It hit Chenle how he found the way he tucked in his shirt so adorable, and the way he moved gracefully was so mesmerizing, and the way he talked was so relaxing to listen to…

“Nothing,” Chenle lied.

He was _right there_ and he was so, so—

_Rrrring!_

“Shit, that’s the bell!” Jisung yelped, beginning to sprint.

Chenle’s eyes widened, and he yelled, “This was your fault!”

“What?!” Jisung screamed back.

Chenle wasn’t thinking about how he’d probably be late to class, or how his feet ached from just sprinting after Jisung in his shoes that definitely weren’t made for running, or the fight they just had, or anything else. He _couldn’t_ think of anything else. Nothing but the sheer joy he had from being forgiven by Jisung. From being friends with Jisung. From being _with_ Jisung. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, he couldn’t erase it from his thoughts.

And as the smell of his friend's clothes lingered, the thought of that _terrified_ him.

* * *

 “Thanks for studying with me,” Jeno said, looking at Chenle’s and his matching workbooks. “I’d probably be screwed if you didn’t come over.”

Chenle nodded. “It’s really no problem, dude. Plus, we’re friends! Why wouldn’t I help?”

A smile appeared on Chenle’s face as his pencil scribbled on the paper. Jeno continued, “It’s weird, though. I haven’t really been inside your house before.”

Laughing, Chenle responded, “Yeah, I mean, I don’t really hang out with people here.”

“Well, except for Jisung,” Jeno replied with a grin.

For a second, Chenle froze, unsure of what to say. A second later, he got knocked back into reality, scratching the back of his head. “Ha… Yeah…” Quick to change the topic, Chenle asked, “So what did you need help with again?”

“Well…” Jeno squinted at the paper. “I’m sorry, you know. I know you take higher math, but… plus we learned this last year and now I have to ask my underclassman to help…”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Chenle replied, his expression gentle. “Don’t be ashamed. I won’t judge.”

“Y-Yeah,” Jeno replied, smiling back. “It’s this lesson here.”

“Oh! Don’t worry, I had trouble trying to understand that one, too,” Chenle replied, quickly looking over the problems.

As he was trying to come up with an explanation, Jeno analyzed the room, staring at the small details. “Hey, what’s that?”

He looked up, seeing Jeno’s finger pointing to something in the corner of Chenle’s bedroom. A small, broken dolphin keychain lay on his desk, which Jisung bought him for his birthday. It snapped off the other day.

Chenle bit his lip, looking back down at the workbook.

Jeno’s smile slowly faded as he looked at his friend. “Hey, Chenle, is something wrong?”

Chenle froze, then forcing a smile on his face as he looked back up. “No, why would anything be wrong?”

“Oh! I understand it now!” Jeno said, smiling as he wrote down the answer to his homework. “Dude… you’re a genius!”

Bashful, Chenle fiddled with his fingers. “It’s really no problem.”

“Seriously, your mind is gigantic,” Jeno said, his eyes crinkled from his huge smile. “Thanks! For real!”

Chenle eyed the clock in the corner of the room. “Hey, you live pretty far, right?”

“Yeah, why?” Jeno asked.

“Do you want me to walk you to the train station? It’s already 8PM…”

Jeno shook his head. “Oh, you don’t have to. You’ve already helped me enough, you know.”

“The train station’s pretty far, and this is my hometown. It’s really no problem,” Chenle replied.

“Dude.” Jeno put his text book under one arm, then placed the opposite hand on one of Chenle’s shoulders. “You’re a god.”

“Like I said, it’s really no problem,” Chenle replied, chuckling. “Dude.”

Jeno packed up his things, and they left, Chenle locking the door behind them.

There were a few beats of silence as they walked, no noise in the street except for a few running cars and crickets filling the air, up until Jeno spoke up.

“Are you and Jisung… fighting?” 

Chenle looked him directly in the eye, his eyebrows pushing down slightly. “Of course not, why?”

Jeno’s face didn’t have any clear expression, it was just _flat._ “Don’t think the rest of us haven’t noticed.”

Chenle was taken aback for a second, unsure of what to say. He felt like his breathing suddenly stopped, and he didn’t know how to say anything back.

“I’m your friend, you know. I’m friends with _both_ of you. And you guys are friends with us. We… We’ve seen how you guys have been acting around each other,” Jeno said.

The air was practically stolen from Chenle’s lungs. He was speechless. 

“What’s been going on?” Jeno asked.

Chenle exhaled, his air visible in the cold night. “We made up this morning. It’s fine. We’re… better now.”

“You are?” 

Chenle nodded, facing the street in front of him. “But… Jisung said something… and It’s… It bothered me. It’s been bothering me since.”

Jeno bit his lip. “What’d he say?”

“He said… Donghyuck having a crush on Mark is weird…” 

“Well,” Jeno sighed, biting the inside of his cheek. “I mean, Jisung’s known Donghyuck and Mark longer than any of us. Of course seeing his hyungs in a relationship’s gotta be weird.”

“Not like that—!” Chenle said, biting his tongue as soon as he raised his voice. “No, nevermind. It’s fine.”

Jeno craned his neck. “What? No—Chenle,” he said, grabbing Chenle’s shoulder.

“I said, ‘it’s fine.’ Nevermind,” Chenle replied, quick.

“No,” Jeno interrupted, making them both stop walking. “Don’t be ashamed. I won’t judge.”

Chenle smiled weakly, hearing his own words thrown back at him. The words got stuck in his throat for a second, not wanting to show themselves to anyone else. “It’s… I felt like he said it’s weird… because they’re both guys…”

Jeno stood stagnant as Chenle continued walking, slowly, but still walking, nonetheless.

“Well, if he thinks that, it’s something we can change, though, right? And he can’t be feeling like that for too long, since he’s known Donghyuck and Mark for a really long time. They’re good friends, something like this won’t change that.” Jeno replied, walking to catch up.

Chenle shook his head. “That… That’s not it.”

“What else could it—” Jeno stopped, cutting himself off. His features softened, then his shoulders relaxed. The gears started running in his brain, and he whispered, “Chenle…? Do you...?”

Chenle shivered, a chill running up his spine. He closed his eyes, blocking out the little light that lit up the streets. “I only figured out why it bothered me so much this morning. But since then… I’ve been scared. I’ve been scared of him. I’ve been scared of ever showing him how I feel.”

Jeno didn’t reply. Chenle didn’t say anything else for the rest of the way to the train station except for a simple goodbye. 

The thoughts he was having… What he’d realized that morning… He was _terrified._


	7. Rejection

_“I don’t get it,” Jisung said as he kicked a rock on the sidewalk._

_Chenle looked up at him, a popsicle in his mouth. He cocked his head to the side. “Get what?”_

_Jisung sighed. “A hyung… is just someone who was born in the year before you were. Even if you were born on January 1st, 2002, you’d have to respect the person born on December 31st, 2001. It doesn’t make sense to me.”_

_“Does it matter?” Chenle asked, biting the rest of the popsicle off. “It’s just a small tag attached to their name. All it does is make your sentences longer.”_

_“But… that tag… because of it we can’t_ truly _be friends.” Jisung looked up at the clouds, dejected. “If I have to respect you and all that crap, then…”_

_“Then you don’t have to use honorifics with me,” Chenle replied. “I don’t really care about that stuff that much, anyway. You’re my friend. I don’t want some word getting in the way of that.”_

_Jisung stared at him, mouth slightly agape, as his friend smiled back. Had he_ ever _had a true friend like him before?_

* * *

Chenle wasn’t at their classroom during lunch. Jisung looked at the other guys, chatter flowing endlessly out of their mouths. “Hey, where’s Chenle?”

Renjun shrugged. Donghyuck was arguing with Jaemin, so they didn’t hear his sentence. Jeno looked at Jisung, then quickly looked away.

Jisung stood up, walking out of the classroom, heading towards Chenle’s, when Minju bumped into him. She stepped on his foot, then looked up. “Did—Did you have something to do with this?” She asked, tears brimming in his eyes.

“What?” Jisung asked.

She grumbled something under her breath, running away from him. He turned, watching her go to the cafeteria. As he did, someone tapped on his shoulder.

“Hey,” the person in question said. It was Chenle, a hand in his pocket. 

Jisung looked back at Minju. “What… What _was_ that?”

Chenle leaned against the wall, chewing the inside of his lip. “I told her I knew how she felt about me, and I said I didn’t want to tutor her anymore.”

“Oh, shit dude,” Jisung replied, leaning next to him. “Is it… because of yesterday?”

Chenle chuckled. “I’ve been wanting to stop for a while, now, honestly. She’s… kinda annoying. I wanted to find out things about her to help you out and, like, be your wingman. Dunno if I’ve told you yet, but I also started tutoring her was because she was paying me. I don’t think you guys would go well with each other, anyway.”

“You don’t?” Jisung asked, tone stiff.

Shaking his head, Chenle replied, “I really, really don’t. She’s really pushy, and it makes me really uncomfortable.”

Jisung sighed. Chenle’s words were something Jisung had trouble taking in, even after everything he’d faced the past couple of days. But Minju didn’t like him back, and Chenle didn’t like her back. That was something Jisung just had to accept.

They sat there in silence before Jisung pulled Chenle’s sleeve towards the classroom. “Come on, Donghyuck and Jaemin are arguing and I’m too tired to tell them to stop.”

A laugh escaped Chenle’s mouth as he got dragged to their other friends. “Hey, walk home with me today, alright? Can you promise me that?”

“Sure,” Jisung answered as he slid the door open. “Why wouldn’t we?”

The usual trademark Chenle smile was replaced by one of sheer relief. Jisung couldn’t tell exactly why Chenle smiled like that. It was probably after Jisung ditched him so many times, but something felt… off. But he and Chenle were on better terms now, right?

* * *

“Yo!” Jisung said as he stepped out of the classroom, walking towards Chenle.

Chenle’s eyebrows pushed together, confused. “Yo?”

“I said, ‘Yo!’” Jisung clarified.

A small laugh, though forced, burst out of Chenle as they began walking out of the school.

They quickly grew silent. This wasn’t an abnormal thing to happen while they were walking together, but this time was different. Jisung could tell. Chenle wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t relaxed. He was twisting his fingers, cracking his knuckles, fists clenching and unclenching rapidly. He was shaking, ever so slightly, like a bomb waiting to explode. It didn’t feel like that was Chenle next to him. But he waited, seeing if Chenle would calm down.

“Why… why did you really stop avoiding me in the first place?” Chenle asked, the question forced and rushed.

Jisung let out a chuckle. “I thought we were over that, dude. It’s because Minju liked you.”

“And… if you had the chance… would you still date her? Do you still like her?” Chenle said, his voice hushed.

This didn’t feel right. Whoever was standing next to him wasn’t Chenle at all.

“Well, yeah. She’s still the girl I like,” Jisung explained.

“Really?” Chenle muttered. His face contorted, brow furrowing.

“Dude,” Jisung spat out, laughing. “What do you really want to say? You look like a ghost. Just spit it out, aight?”

Chenle shivered, his eyes becoming shiny. “I… I think I like you.”

…

Jisung’s world paused at that very moment. The air of confidence around him shattered. He stared at Chenle’s face, white, but red around his cheeks. He froze, not knowing what to do. His ears filled with white noise, trying to block out the words he’d already heard. 

Chenle spoke again, his voice breathy, “You’re the first one who let me be their friend here. I don’t know who I’d be now because of you, because you’re… you’re _special_ to me, Jisung. I didn’t realize it until I lost you, and—”

“You’re joking, right?” Jisung said, faking a smile as his eyes grew wide. “That—you can’t actually _mean_ that.”

Chenle’s eyes became glassy. He tried to blink his tears away, attempting to disguise them, but he failed, and they spilled down his cheeks. “What?”

“You’re kidding,” Jisung said, trying to laugh. He couldn’t believe it.

Chenle replied, “No!” He wiped his tears on the back of his sleeve, sobs escaping his mouth. “No, no, no, I—I…” 

Jisung put his hand over his forehead, trying to laugh it out. Hoping this was a joke. Trying to convince himself this was a joke. “Seriously?”

“Spending time with you is a daily routine for me… You were the only one who was there for me when I first came here… Please, please…” Chenle begged, his nose starting to run.

“Dude, what the _fuck_ ?” Jisung asked, staring at his friend in disbelief, breathing heavily. He breathed out, “I stick by you because we’re _friends_ —”

“I stopped tutoring Minju because I didn’t want to make you upset, because I wanted to spend more time with you. Being away from you hurt because I _like_ you,” Chenle explained, chest heaving. “Don’t you think there’s something more between us?”

“No! No, I fucking don’t!” Jisung replied, stepping back, away from him.

Chenle stood there, speechless and vulnerable. The ticking bomb inside him had exploded, and he was frozen, right there in that one spot.

Shaking his head, Jisung turned, and he ran. He ran the whole way home. His grip was tight on his backpack, his eyes clenched to get rid of the tears.

He slammed his bedroom door behind him, wishing there was a lock, even if his brother wasn’t home. He leaned his back against it, hiding his face in his hands.

He _wanted_ Minju, and Minju wanted Chenle. The perfect, excellent dancer Minju wanted his perfect, transfer student, straight-A’s friend.

But his perfect friend wanted _him._

The first real person he’d formed a connection with in his lonely, lonely life, and he ended up having feelings for him.

What was he supposed to do after that? What _could_ he do after that? _Hey, I know I just crushed your emotions, but you did that to me, too! We’re even, right?_

The first real friendship he had, and he’d successfully set it on fire, leaving it there to burn up in flames.

He didn’t want it to be this way. Maybe, in a few days, they’d be fine. Maybe they’d promise to never talk about the past two weeks ever again. And they’d continue like normal.

The tears Jisung tried so hard to hold in started flowing, an endless waterfall streaming into his hands. What was he thinking? _Nothing_ could salvage what Jisung just did to Chenle, right after Chenle had just salvaged what he did to him.

Chenle had a chance to get to know the most perfect girl in school, and, even if he found her annoying, wanted to spend time with her to help _him._ He was doing it for Jisung, all this time.

Chenle forgave Jisung after all the times he pushed him away. He hurt Chenle so, so many times, but Chenle stuck by his side, all because of pure trust. The straight-A perfect transfer student stuck by the forever-late, idiotic wallflower that was Jisung.

And Jisung rejected him.

Flashes of memories, small fragments of time played through Jisung’s mind. The birthday party Chenle planned for him, the way Chenle always showed up to his door, the way his eyes lit up when Jisung gave him that stupid keychain, the gentle smile that graced Chenle’s face…

Jisung held onto those memories, wishing desperately for a second chance. Chenle was there for him through and through, and Jisung took a second to just think about that warm, gentle smile.

_You’re special to me, Jisung._

Those words bounced around inside Jisung’s head, swimming in a pool of doubt. Surrounded by the anxiety of being pushed away by everyone he knew and loved. Overcome by the fear of judgemental strangers and having to let go once more.

Jisung slid down the door, up until his back was on the floor. He closed his eyes, choked up, waiting for his cheeks to dry.


	8. Faith

“Chenle! Let’s eat!”

His head whipped towards the door, wiping his face with his hands. “I—I ate before you came home. I’m not really hungry right now,” he lied.

_ Jisung ran. _

Everything Chenle had was put on display for him, and the worst-case scenario ended up being true. It’s not like he could lie to him. He trusted Jisung. After everything that just happened, he didn’t think anything could rip them further apart.

The smell of his clothes, the pictures on his bulletin board, the small keychain… Everything reminded Chenle of him, and it  _ hurt. _

* * *

The bell rang, but Chenle didn’t have the energy to get up and run to his friend group. Not when he knew that stepping out of this room would somehow, in some way, make him bump into Jisung.

For the first time, ever, Chenle ditched him on the way to school.

He sat there, staring at his desk, picking at the skin on his finger tips, twisting and pulling his digits. Tapping his foot. Biting his lip. 

“Chenle?”

His head turned towards the call of his name. Jeno was standing in the doorway, his weight shifting from foot to foot. “Hey, you okay?”

It took Chenle a few seconds to register the words, as if he had to pull what Jeno had said from the air. Chenle nodded, sitting straight up. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

There were a few beats of silence, Chenle’s gaze retreating back to his hands. Jeno followed up, “Are you not gonna hang out with us?”

“No,” Chenle responded. “I’m good.”

Chenle felt over the skin on his hands. They were tight, a little dry and slightly cracked over the knuckles from being stretched beyond their abilities. He sighed, mindlessly listening to the chatter in the hallways.

“You don’t sound fine,” Jeno replied. 

Chenle’s eyes snapped back to him. He didn’t realize he was still standing there. A smile slowly formed on Chenle’s lips, although small. “Do I?”

Jeno nodded. “And you look terrible, actually.” He stepped into the classroom, eyes skimming over the area before he took a seat beside Chenle. “Do you need to talk about it?”

Chenle laughed, rubbing at his eyes, which felt dry, a stinge of pain lingering. “Are my eyes that puffy?”A quiet laugh made its way out of his mouth.

Jeno bit his lip, his eyes squeezing shut for a few seconds as he tried to figure out what to say. “I was at Nana’s place yesterday. When I was walking to the station, I… I saw you guys in the street.”

“Oh god,” Chenle muttered, burying his face in his arms. Fragments of that scene replayed over and over in his brain, his eyes too dry to produce anymore tears.

“I didn’t hear much… all I heard was Jisung, right before he left.” Jeno placed his hand on Chenle’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring, tight grip. “Can I ask what happened?”

It took a moment for Chenle to reply, but he did. He told him everything. Every heartbreaking, excruciating detail. Even Jeno was at a loss for words.

“...He said that?”

Chenle nodded, face still sitting on the desk. 

“What are you gonna do now?”

Chenle turned his head, looking at Jeno’s face. “I don’t know.”

Jeno rested his hand against his palm. “Well, you can’t just  _ stop  _ being friends with him.”

“Why not?” Chenle asked, sighing. “I don’t think  _ anything  _ could make him see me the same way. I… I messed up.”

“Don’t say that,” Jeno replied, his tone sharp. “You know how much Jisung needs you?”

Chenle shook his head. “I know, I know, we’re best friends and all, but Jisung has you guys too, right?”

“Jisung’s  _ never  _ had someone like you,” Jeno explained. “I’ve known him for hella long—he’s known our  _ entire group _ for hella long—but he’s never,  _ ever,  _ acted the way he does around you when it’s just with us.”

“He’s younger than all of us, and I could tell he felt left out, but then he met  _ you. _ And then, out of nowhere, he was part of all our conversations. He was hanging out with someone besides us  _ alone _ !” Jeno continued, tapping on the desk to make a point. “He was doing all of that, but then… these past couple days, when he was avoiding you, he went back to his old self. Because he lost you.”

Chenle sat there, his hands paralyzed. Jeno exhaled. “I know we aren’t that close. But I  _ know  _ Jisung. You can’t just abandon him like this.”

The bell rang. Jeno gave Chenle a pat on the back, quickly exiting the classroom before any of his classmates realized he was ever there.

* * *

_ “Hey!”  _

_ Chenle started running towards the boy, walking in front of him. He turned around, trying to find whoever had called his name. _

_ “You! With the colored hair!”  _

_ Chenle was waving his hand in the air now, trying to get his attention. He stopped by the guy’s side, panting slightly. “Do you usually walk down this street?” he asked. _

_ The boy nodded. “Do I know you?” _

_ “Nope, but you do now,” Chenle replied, extending his hand. “I’m Zhong Chenle. Just moved here two weeks ago. I live on that street a couple blocks down. The one with the gnome statue at the corner.” _

_ “Oh, I live on that one too,” the boy replied. “I… I’m Jisung.” _

_ Chenle pointed to his hair. “Why is your hair dirty blonde?” _

_ The boy instinctively touched a strand of his hair, twirling it beneath his fingers. “Eh, my friends dyed their hair, so I decided to, too. I’ve been sticking to this color for a while, though. I like it better than black.” _

_ “Introduce me to your friends!” Chenle beamed. “I don’t really know anyone here, so…” _

_ “I dunno,” Jisung replied, his eyes traveling downwards. “Might have to dye your hair to do that.” _

_ Chenle joked, “Well, do you think I’d look better in dirty blonde than black?” _

_ An ‘O’ appeared on Jisung’s face, then he giggled. Chenle joined him, laughing loudly. _

_ “Can I walk with you again tomorrow?” Chenle asked, squeezing his thumb. _

_ Jisung nodded, a smile gracing his face. _

_ “Y-” Jisung paused, then his expression changed. “You can’t actually mean that, right?” He began stepping backwards, trying to get away from him. “You’re kidding, right?” _

“Jisung?”

The words escaped Chenle’s mouth before his eyes snapped open. He took a few seconds, staring at his bedroom ceiling, feeling the comforter on his bed, before he sighed, his body relaxing against the mattress.

That pure feeling, the pure joy he had from making Jisung laugh, making him smile. The moonlight shined on those moments on his bulletin board, highlighting their bright faces. Chenle wanted to feel that emotion again, wanted to keep smiling with Jisung forever. He didn’t want to let him go. He  _ couldn’t  _ let him go.

Even if it meant he had to put his true feelings behind him.


	9. Confession

Jisung trudged slowly back from school, his entire body aching. He fell asleep on the floor the night before, too pained to walk to his bed. Yet, despite everything, only one thing was on his mind.

Chenle wanted him.

Chenle wanted to be _with_ him. He didn’t want them to be apart. It wasn’t that Jisung didn’t feel the same, but rather he didn’t _want_ to. He couldn’t just think of how he’d be with Chenle.

People making nasty looks towards him in the hall, his friends turning away from him, his only family member kicking him out: all things that would result if he felt the same. There was no way he was ever going to come to terms with that. There was no way he’d ever be able to deal with that kind of stuff.

“Jisung!” 

His thought bubble was popped by the person who grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. It was Jaemin, with his huge, infectious grin. 

Jisung felt his eyes getting pricked with tears, quickly turning away and staring at the ground. “I’m sorry… could you just leave me alone for today…?” He shook his head, staring at the ground, shutting his eyes tight.

“Hey,” Jaemin said, much softer. “Dude, what… what happened?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Jisung said, stopping. 

He could tell Jaemin wouldn’t leave, though. He looked at his friend, whose head was turning left and right, checking if anyone else was on the street. “Does this…” he whispered, “...have to do with Chenle?”

Jisung didn’t say a word. 

“Do you want to come over to my place for a second? You can tell me about it. I’ll make you some coffee,” Jaemin offered.

Jisung laughed, albeit weakly. “I beg you, please don’t make me coffee.”

“Tea, then?” Jaemin chuckled back. “Come on. You can be honest with me, alright?”

* * *

“He told me… he told me he liked me,” Jisung spilled.

He was sitting at the coffee table in Jaemin’s living room, rubbing his socks against the wooden floor. He leaned back into the couch, sinking endlessly in. For the entire time Jisung knew him, his couch had stayed the same. And he hoped it would always stay the same; it was oddly comforting, remembering the times he and his friends would sit on this couch, playing video games in middle school, even if he was perfectly fine with just watching the others instead of playing himself.

Jaemin placed a small cup of tea in front of him, complete with a coaster right under. “It’s earl grey,” he said. He looked up at Jisung signaling for him to continue.

“And… I rejected him. I… I thought that it was ridiculous.” He wrapped his hands around the cup, taking a sip.

Jaemin sank into the couch, sitting near him, but not too close. “What did Chenle say back?”

Jisung placed the cup back down, then he shrugged. “I don’t know—no, I don’t remember.” He thought for a second, feeling tears well up in his eyes. “He was so hurt, and I… I didn’t know what to do—what to _feel,_ so I ran away from him.” He turned back towards Jaemin, who was handing him a tissue. “I don’t want to _lose him_. I… I wish I could take that back,” Jisung went on.

“Why don’t you ask him to start over?” Jaemin advised.

Jisung wiped his tears away, blowing his nose while he was at it. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“Why not?” Jaemin said, pointing to the trash can near his kitchen. “You can’t just not address this if you want to keep being friends with him. And you _are_ going to be friends with him, okay? I’m not letting you guys drift apart. I’m friends with both of you, and I don’t want this tension in our friend group, alright?”

“That… That’s not the point,” Jisung replied, taking another tissue. “I rejected him, but I…” He couldn’t help the tears from escaping his eyes this time, but once he did, he couldn’t just put them on pause. They continued on like a running faucet. “I’m sorry…”

“Jisung, just say it.”

“I like him too,” Jisung sobbed, his voice cracking. “And I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before. No, I… I’ve never felt this way about any other _guy_ before. It’s… I know how people will think…”

Jaemin pulled him into a hug, snatching all the air from his lungs. He stayed silent, but that silence was more soothing than anything else he could have said at that moment. Jisung let his weak side out, tears flowing down his cheeks, breathing uneven.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jisung cried, “I don’t know what to say… And I know it’s wrong, and now I—”

“It’s okay,” Jaemin said, rubbing his friend’s back. “I don’t _care_ how you feel, alright? And neither will the rest of us. You’re still our friend. However you feel isn’t wrong.”

“But what am I supposed to do?” he asked.

Jaemin pulled away, handing him another tissue. “Chenle is your best friend. I know he won’t be able to handle being away from you either. Talk to him tomorrow, okay? You guys are too close for this to drive you apart. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” He then turned towards the the tea. “Oh, are you done?”

Jisung nodded, and Jaemin picked the cup up, heading towards the sink. He heard the faucet turn on, as well as the few pumps of a soap dispenser. A buzz sounded, and Jisung’s attention was drawn to the table, where Jaemin’s phone rested.

**Jeno: chenle said he’ll head over to jisung’s place at 5 …**

Jisung’s eyes widened. He looked at the time displayed above the text. _4:45._ He jumped out of the couch, heading straight to the door.

“Uh, um, thanks for the tea. And for… listening to me,” Jisung said, stumbling over his own sneakers. “Really. I can’t… I can’t put it into words. Just… Thank you.”

Jaemin didn’t respond, but rather, he looked at Jisung from the kitchen, confused. Jisung quickly headed home, his shoes half on.

* * *

Three knocks on his bedroom door.

Jisung paused the video he was watching on his laptop, stepping towards it, flinching when the floorboards creaked under his feet. He opened the knob slowly, anticipating the person behind the door.

Chenle smiled, although awkwardly. “Hey, your brother let me in.” He bit his lip. “I’m sorry… Can we—can we talk?”

He was fiddling with his fingers, something he did when he was at a loss for words.

“Yeah… uh…” Jisung signaled for him to come in, closing the door behind him. He sat at the end of his bed, close to the window, which he opened. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I miss you,” Chenle replied, little to no time between their sentences. “I know it’s only been a day, but I…”

Jisung looked out the window, gently smiling. A weight felt like it was on his chest, waiting for the time he’d admit this, too. He thought for a second. “Yeah,” he replied, closing his eyes for a few seconds. “Me… Me too.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jisung shook his head, unable to look him in the eye. “You don’t have to be—”

“But I am,” came the sudden reply. “You’re my best friend, Jisung. You _know_ that. I don’t… It was my fault that things ended up like this, and I just—I didn’t want it to be this way.”

A pause sounded before Chenle continued. “I don’t want things to be awkward between us anymore. I don’t want things to be like this because of me. Can we just… Can we just go back to how we used to be? Just go back to being friends?”

Jisung clenched his fist, his jaw tightening. “I… I don’t want that.”

A little whine bubbled out of Chenle’s chest, like he was punched in the gut. Jisung quickly looked at him, seeing him trying to blink away tears, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “I’m… I’m so… I’m so sorry…”

“No—No, that’s not what I meant!” Jisung responded, scooting towards him, a frown deepening in his features.

Still breathing heavily, Chenle looked up, his eyes watery. Jisung smiled at him, turning back towards the sky. “I… I think I like you,” Jisung confessed, looking down at his feet.

The sniffling paused. “What?”

“When I found out Minju liked you… I thought I was jealous because I liked Minju.” Jisung leaned back on his hands, sighing. “N—No, I… I _wanted_ to be jealous of you, for hanging out with her. But I wasn’t.”

Jisung turned, looking at Chenle. “I was jealous of her. I didn’t like the thought of you being taken away by someone, I didn’t like the thought of you spending time with her instead of me, and I didn’t like being away from you.”

“I thought you _hated_ me,” Chenle breathed out, words barely audible.

Jisung sniffled, smiling as his vision became blurred. He wrapped his arms around Chenle’s neck. “I’m sorry. I just… I was thinking about how other people would feel about this, about _us,_ but… I didn’t take my own feelings into account. I like you. I don’t want to just be your friend anymore.”

Chenle sobbed into Jisung’s shoulder, his arms slowly coming up to rest around his sides. Jisung tightened his grip, slowly melting into his embrace. “I never imagined that things could— _would_ be this way. And I didn’t know what to do…”

“It’s okay,” Chenle said, looking up to face him. “I’m not leaving your side.”

Jisung laughed, dragging them both down to crash on his bed. He pulled Chenle closer to him, tight, grinning from cheek to cheek. Chenle’s tear stained cheeks and sparkling eyes and soft, warm smile… He couldn’t help but stare, leaning his head against Chenle’s.

“Ow!” Chenle yelped as his head hit his bed frame with a bang.

Jisung’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, I’m sor—”

He was cut off by Chenle’s loud laughter, echoing throughout the room. “You suck, Jisung!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really can't believe i've been writing fics for 2 years and this is the first time i ever finished one (even though i'll probably still be reading over this until i feel like it's good enough to be beta'd LMAO)... writing this has been a wild ride and i'm truly thankful to everyone who decided to click on this and read it, and i hope you enjoyed.


End file.
